The thought that walked into my head this morning was, I feel so unmotivated today.
But the more I sat with it, the more I realized that’s not it at all. I’m not unmotivated. I’m the opposite of unmotivated. I am so motivated, in so many directions, that my brain has politely tapped out and asked if it can go lie down in a quiet room.
You know that children’s book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie? That’s me. That is my entire life right now. I do one thing, which leads to the next thing, which uncovers three more things, and suddenly I’m standing in the middle of a deconstructed laundry room at 9pm wondering how I got here.
Let me walk you through it.
A Bathroom, A Cautionary Tale
I want to film more content for social media. Great. To film content, I need to film somewhere. My bathroom has bad lighting and dated fixtures, so obviously I can’t film there until I fix it. I order new mirrors with backlights. They don’t fit. Now I’m hunting for a specific size that may or may not exist on this earth. I also decided (because apparently, I hate myself) to add picture molding around the tall mirror, which means measuring, painting, hanging, and a whole little side quest I did not need.
Current status: my bathroom is in shambles. I have no mirror and no lights on my side, so I’m sharing with my husband, whose hair clippings I have to defend my toothbrush against like it’s a small woodland creature in danger. I’ve spent at least $800. I have nothing to show for it yet.
The Laundry Room Saga
Turns out, I also didn’t love filming in the laundry room, so naturally that’s getting a facelift too. Did you know you can’t just paint cabinets? You have to degrease them, then sand them with medium grit, then sand them again with fine grit, then prime them with a bonding primer, and then, I think, you can paint them. I can’t confirm because I am barely into the priming phase after three days.
Everything that used to live in the laundry room now lives in the hallway and the guest room. Opening those cabinets to empty them revealed that the entire room needs to be deep-cleaned and reorganized. Cool. Another project for the pile.
And Also, Everything Else
While all of this is happening, I’m also:
- Building this blog
- Building my social media presence (and trying to come up with a word for what I’m doing because “influencer” makes me twitch) I don’t want to “influence” anyone, just more of a community vibe.
- Working toward relaunching my boutique
- Working my 8-to-3 job (which sounds adorable until you realize it’s only three days a week, and it’s still a 40-hour workload. I’m just cramming all of it into 21 hours, which is its own special kind of sport)
- Being a mom, a wife, a softball-schedule-keeper
- Trying to work out, eat enough protein, drink enough water
- Trying to look like a somewhat put-together person
- Keeping up with normal day-to-day house things
The Real Problem
Here’s the thing I keep circling back to: I’m not actually unmotivated. I want to do all of this. I want the bathroom to be pretty. I want the laundry room to be functional (and also pretty). I want the blog and the boutique and the content. I want to be present for my kids and my husband. I want to feel good in my body. I want it all.
I just want to do it all right, and there are not enough hours in the day for “right” when “right” means twelve different things at once.
And I know, I know, that I do this to myself. Every time life slows down for two seconds, I look around and go, “Cool, fill the plate again, please. Pile it higher this time.” I’m starting to think the problem isn’t the plate. The problem is me, walking up to the buffet.
Okay, One Silver Lining
I will say, in the middle of typing this out, I had a small moment of clarity. All of these projects? The bathroom, the laundry room, the cabinet saga, the picture molding I have no business attempting. They can also double as content. Before-and-afters, progress updates, the very real “this is what it actually looks like in the middle” shots. So, while I’m losing my mind, I’m at least losing it productively. Stay tuned for updates and (eventually, please God) finished products.
So Here’s Where I Land
I don’t have a tidy bow for this one. The bathroom is still a mess. The cabinets are still in primer. My toothbrush is still in witness protection. But writing this out has helped me see something: this feeling of being overwhelmed and paralyzed is just me trying to do too much at once and expecting it all to be done overnight. I have to get better at deciding which thing gets my hands today and letting the other things wait their turn.
So, if you’re reading this from the middle of your own deconstructed laundry room, emotionally or literally, hi. Me too. We’re not drowning. Okay, we kind of are. But one thing at a time, and we’ll get our heads above water.
One project at a time. One sanded cabinet at a time. One day at a time.
Now tell me yours. What did you start that has now taken over your entire house / life / sanity? Misery loves company and I have plenty of room on this sinking ship.
XO, Sabrina
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