There is a version of my life that looks perfectly complete from the outside. And honestly? It kind of is.
I have a husband who is driven and successful and ambitious enough, for both of us. Three kids who are healthy and loud and full of life. A home. A job I stepped back from to three days a week this past year, which freed up two days to actually breathe, think, and get ahead on the things that always felt like they were slipping. That change alone has been a quiet game changer in ways I didn’t fully anticipate.
By every reasonable measure, I could be sitting on cruise control. And there are moments, good ones, where I think about how easy it would be to just let that be enough.
But then I get quiet. The kids are at school, the house is still, and instead of resting I find myself thinking. Planning. Wondering. Feeling this low hum of something that doesn’t have a name yet, just a sense that there is more I am supposed to do. More I want to build. Something that is entirely, unapologetically mine.
I’ll be honest, I have felt guilty about that. The idea that a good life, a full life, a life most people would be grateful for isn’t quite enough for me. That being a wife and a mom, things I love deeply and would choose a thousand times over, don’t completely fill the space. There is a part of me that was just built for something more. I don’t fully know what that is yet. Maybe it’s this. Maybe it’s just showing up here, writing things down, sharing the real and relatable parts of a life that looks ordinary from the outside but feels like it’s quietly shifting.
What I do know is that the person I am right now has all the right pieces. The values. The instincts. The ideas. The desire. What she is still working on is the follow-through. The consistency. The habit of becoming instead of just intending to.
I am trying to become HER. The version of me that doesn’t just have good intentions, she acts on them. She doesn’t just know what she wants, she builds it. She has it together, not in a way that is perfect or performative, but in a way that is quiet and steady and real.
I want to be clear about something though. I am not starting from zero. I have good habits. I keep my life in order. I show up for the people I love. I am not lost; I am just growing. And there is a difference between falling apart and simply reaching for more.
This season I am in feels less like a crisis and more like an expansion. Like I finally gave myself permission to want things. To pursue things. To stop waiting for the right moment and just start moving in the direction of whoever she is, that version of me that is just a little further down the road.
I am not there yet. But I am in it. And I think that is worth writing about.
If you are somewhere in this season too, the one between who you were and who you are becoming, I am glad you are here. Let’s figure it out together. 🤍
XO, Sabrina
Leave a Reply